I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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