The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
