OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
