In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
