Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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