tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
