I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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