new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
