Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
