Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Please, let me fuck your mom
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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