OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
