Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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