The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
