i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
MIDGETS
????
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
