Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
