Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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