Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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