We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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