I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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