My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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