Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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