this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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