I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
