So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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