my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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