he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
