Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize