You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
