I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it hurts more in the daytime
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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