As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
