Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
