I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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