wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
