I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she looked like the before picture.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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