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And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
