You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So many bounce houses so little time
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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