Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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