I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
