I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
