My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize