We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
zippers are such a cool invention
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
