I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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