Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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