god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
