dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
