Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
