I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
