I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
