Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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