Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
