She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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