i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
