Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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