First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
