Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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