cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize