I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
