if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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