so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
