I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
