My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
