she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
