Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize