you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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