This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
