Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
