i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
