I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Rumble strips road head = magical
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize